Insomnia, My Old Friend

Although I've always had occasional insomnia, it's been more of a problem recently. Usually, the source of my insomnia is straight-forward: too much caffeine too late in the day, or a late nap that disrupts my sleep schedule. What's unusual about my recent bout of insomnia is that it has directly resulted from my attempt to establish a sleep schedule. By trying to sleep properly, I've actually managed to mess up the dysfunctional schedule I had before.

I haven't had a regular sleep schedule for years. Starting in about 10th grade, I've had more of a cycle than a schedule. I'm naturally inclined to stay up late, but when I had school I had to get up at 7 am on weekdays. Instead of falling asleep at 10 pm and getting sufficient sleep, I would steadily deprive myself of sleep until I was too tired to stay up late, when I would go to bed between 9 and 10 pm, restarting the cycle. I couldn't catch up on my sleep on weekends because I would usually stay up even later and be woken up around 9 am. In summer, I had no weekday restriction on the time I woke up, so I would go to bed any time from 10 pm to 4 am and wake up between 9 am and 3 pm, with no real routine.

Although I wouldn't say that my sleep cycle has been beneficial, it's how I've lived for the past five years, so I must have managed somehow. In high school, I only rarely dozed off in classes, although probably more often than people who managed their sleep habits better. At university, I'm more likely to skip classes than sleep through them, although last year I fell asleep often in phys chem, as it was between organic chem and poli sci. Thankfully, not sleeping regularly hasn't severely affected my life thus far, as I've been happy and done well in school.

At times, I would attempt to fix my sleep schedule by going to bed early each night, but I was never committed enough to actually fall into a routine. Going to bed early might have worked in high school, when I was waking up at 7 am five days a week, but we'll never know whether it would have worked had I seriously tried it. My attempts at university all ended quickly, because I didn't have much of a routine to build off of. One night I would go to bed early and wake up early, while the next night I would go to bed early and wake up late, and on the weekends I would stay up and get up quite late, so there was little chance at my routinely going to bed and waking up early.

My latest attempt at establishing a good routine failed disastrously, but provided some insight into why all of my attempts have failed. At the beginning of the exam period, I decided that I would start going to bed at 10 pm each night and waking up when I felt rested. I reasoned that if I get enough sleep and go to bed at the same time, I'll eventually fall into a natural schedule. Unfortunately, it turns out that if I'm getting too much sleep, I won't be unable to fall asleep at night. Even if I go to bed at 10 pm every day, I won't wake up at 8 am if I fall asleep at 2 am, I'll wake up at 12 pm. Having to wake up for 8:30 am exams has even destroyed the cycle of deprivation and recovery I had before, with a chaotic system of recovering between exams and depriving myself of sleep before them.

That being said, I'm not particularly bothered by insomnia. So long as I've been getting sufficient sleep beforehand, I can lose sleep the night before an exam and still be alert. I've had insomnia often enough to know roughly when I should try and sleep and when I should do other activities until I'm more tired, so it's not like I'm wasting hours upon hours tossing and turning in bed. And most importantly, I know that my recent insomnia is temporary, and that once I've flown home for Christmas I can try sleeping regularly again. Next time around I'll know that waking up early is just as important as going to bed early, and if I don't succeed, at least I won't have to write exams and attend class.